stress and busy-ness

I've been on the busy side, since returning from N'Orleans.  There's ALWAYS a good deal of house-upkeep to do when you've got this much space in a building that's 118 years old, for one thing ... and a long-haired dog that sheds adds his own special contribution.  Then there's the day-to-day kitchen activities which never end.  Laundry.  Shopping.  Mending.  Creativity.  Study and research.  Social life.  Reading, watching, relaxation, recreation.  None of this is intrinsically stressful to me.

It's inopportune interruption, unpleasant surprises, and people who feel the need to act like inconsiderate, selfish jerks which can make a burden of certain activities and interactions.  We may or may not have to put up with some of this stuff....

I completely unfriended someone on facebook yesterday.  Most of the time, if a real-life acquaintance is making him/herself obnoxious, I just block the posts I don't want to see; this way, I can still wish them happy birthday but otherwise not have to deal with their dumb ideas and abrasive communications.  But this woman had rejection coming!  And since I DON'T know her "IRL" it was easier to just cut her loose.  Bye-bye ... have a good life ... good riddance!

Instant lower stress.  People like that, you never know when they're going to turn from supportive to viciously aggressive.  A pleasantry rubs them the wrong way, and they suddenly show claws and teeth.  I don't need that shit.

It's a puzzle to me why intrinsically good people can get really nasty about defending their "compassionate viewpoints."  Not even against people fighting against them -- just the existence of a contrary viewpoint brings out the rattlesnake in them.  A perfect example is how those compassionate vegetarians viciously assaulted Lierre Keith.  True, she pointed out that their non-animal-food diet is responsible for the killing of a lot of little animals anyway, and that their plant-based diet is dangerously deficient in nutrition, but REALLY....

Are these people who build a kind-and-gentle philosophy trying to create a personal world in which every child gets a trophy and nobody is ever at fault, but bad things happen to good people so every bad thing that happens to them PROVES they're a good person; where the fact that things in the real world don't result the same way as their brand of logic says it SHOULD, so the actions of the real world are faulty in some way, but their logic is impeccable....  Is C so emotionally fragile that she feels she'll crumble if her phantasy-world isn't upheld by the beliefs of everyone with whom she comes in contact?  I DO know people who seem to be convinced that their philosophy is the only possible Truth, but they tend to be hyperreligious yoyos, not ostensibly intelligent people.  ...Yeah, I need Sidereal or Minijumb to explain the mindset to me!

Got "friends" who only bring you down, who insult you indirectly and cause you to tense up at the thought of interacting with them?  There IS a way to feel instant relief (and I DO feel it)....

a digression

Some people fret that, on a long-term low-carb diet, they seem to run a slightly higher blood sugar than they did, when they first started.  I just had a little idea that might explain what they see....

You know how PHYSIOLOGICAL insulin resistance is different from its PATHOLOGICAL alter-ego, i hope;  Petro has talked about this phenomenon at length.  The first is the normal body's reaction to starvation, designed to save glucose for the cells that really need it, and the second is the panic-stricken cell's way to avoid a perceived toxic situation.

I suspect that a slightly-raised blood sugar as seen in LC eating may be analogous.

Reading along at ketotic.org, i found a string of interesting articles about "excess" protein being converted to glucose via gluconeogenesis (GNG).  The short version is, doesn't seem to happen in the absence of GNG triggers like raised glucagon -- it's not a supply-motivated operation, but demand-inspired.

It occurred to me to wonder, if GNG is demand-motivated, does this not explain why we sometimes see a higher morning BG?  For SOME REASON, our bodies are asking for a little bit more glucose, and our livers are obligingly -- and appropriately -- responding?

It's not like our blood-sugar is steadily rising.  If that were the case, we could truly be described as "pre-diabetic" but although a little raised, the FBG is not actually GOING UP.

The Mayo Clinic's website tells me, "Illness or stress can trigger high blood sugars because hormones produced to combat illness or stress can also cause your blood sugar to rise."  It took me all of thirty seconds to find this information.  The site also volunteered that a change in physical activity can also result in varying glucose levels, as can certain medications.

So the next time you see a slightly higher than "normal" BG but it doesn't get worse, it just jumps around a few points, do NOT start thinking OMG I'M GIVING MYSELF DIABETES WITH MY HIGH-FAT DIET -- no.  Ain't happening.

FINALLY at home

Well, actually, we drove into our alley parking spot at about ten, the night before last.  Yesterday we went out and bought groceries (way out in the country for our pastured pork) and have been busily unpacking, and also ordering things we found out about during our trip, and some things we used up during it.  I ran out of magnesium, zinc and B12, and am very low on systemic enzymes and pregnenolone; i haven't had ANY mucuna for three weeks, and replenished a couple of things while in Houston -- why is it everything seems to need refilling at once?  :-)  The supplement bill is a killer this month.

What with a million smaller mental/emotional annoyances and a few larger physical ones (like weather which exacerbates physical malaise), i've been pretty stressed for the last couple of days.  I find it impossible to get my husband to understand that i NEED to take it easy for a little while, to recharge my batteries.  "Normal" people will NEVER be able to fathom the problem of low energy and physical limitation.

He's outside mowing the over-grown backyard while i write this.  Me, i'm in my nightie sitting in the "bedroom reading chair" with my overheating laptop perched on a big book (to keep it from scorching my thighs and turning itself off...).  I've had a sinus headache for days, on and off, because of the damp weather and springtime pollen-fest both in Houston and here.  Our carpenter MIGHT be coming today but i'm not sure.  We DO need to look into the problem of our new 4-gig data limit (phone and portable modem) inexplicably using excessive amounts of our allowance while we're asleep.

Our Spenser was a very good dog during the whole ordeal (from his point of view) -- he DID take a nip out of our SIL, but it seems to have been our daughter's "fault" for rough-housing with her friend and upsetting him.  :-(  SIL was just in the wrong place at the wrong time....  He got along with his host-dogs very well, and the kids are getting better at coexisting with him (though they know they can't hug and pet him the way they do with their own "normal" dogs).  But Spense is getting old!  He needs shorter walks these days, and too much departure from his usual diet also discombobulates him.  I cleaned up an "accident" this morning, and that's unusual for him.

As i said, i'm feeling pretty stressed.  Sorry about the bitch-fest.  On top of still not having my "dopa mucuna" i've also been trying to minimize alcohol, that great numbifier.

As my diet gets back to normal, i anticipate better physical/mental/emotional tone.  Can't happen too soon!

stress and ideal weight

My husband hasn't been away on a business trip in WEEEEKS (and there for awhile we thought he might never be again).  Fortunately, as time has passed, we've gotten used to being around each other so much, again.  Snoring and tossing no longer wakes me up so much during the night, and i hope that whatever i do that discombobulates him is not as acute as it probably was, when he just returned from the last assignment.  There are still times of stress which happen when one has to share living space, but it's reduced, and even reversed in some situations (when the other person takes a burden from one's shoulders).

Of course, i haven't lost a pound since he got home, and he isn't even obstructive about diet.  The gods only know how people manage to change their diet in an environment which is actively hostile!

My weight has, in fact, become quite stable ... at 8 pounds over where i want it [eyes rolling].  This is something of a confirmation of an old hypothesis of mine -- that when you reach and hold a weight for a reasonably long period of time, that "held" weight becomes a new defended normal for the body (i would use the s-word, but i absolutely HATE the connotations that "setpoint" has gained over the last few years).

I don't believe in weight or fat setpoint theories as described by so many purported experts, though i have observed that my body WANTS to maintain a steady state.  Further, it WILL do this as long as i eat a low-carb diet.  I'm not one who says one CAN'T gain weight on VLC, but MY body WILL NOT:  there's no way i could eat and drink enough ketogenic food to make me gain fat -- my appetite switch trips OFF shortly after i get more than 100 grams each of fat and protein under my belt for one day.  In fact, if that point is reached by lunchtime, i don't have any appetite again for almost 24 hours.

No -- the "setpoint" my body wants to maintain is ANY weight it's held reasonably constant for more than a couple of months.  The ONLY way it goes up is through carelessness in carb intake, and the ONLY way it goes down is through a low-alcohol, XLC diet (which is only calorie-controlled because of the "100-gram rule" i described above).  Stress affects the situation (for me) through perverting hormones and sleep ... and desire for alcohol, the "gateway drug to carbs."

I think i'm at a "healthy" weight right now, and some may suspect it is "ideal" because my body is defending it so easily.  My daughter is in a similar position -- her two-decades-plus-younger body is resisting HER attempts at weight loss, too.  But i don't think these weights are ideal even though they are healthy, because (in my case) the 20 pounds of fat i COULD afford to lose are 20 pounds my joints are better off not bearing, and which my systems would be better off not serving with circulation, sensation and nutrients; extra weight without which my "challenged" mitochondria would be much less burdened, when supplying my body with energy!

So as my stress levels lessen (I HOPE), i anticipate dropping some 6-8 more pounds ... which i'll then make every effort to maintain for two or three months before making another "push" for weight loss.  See how good this hypothesis of mine really is!

defending your ... sanity

If you've never seen the movie "Defending Your Life," i recommend it heartily.  It's the story of what happens in one man's afterlife, and although Albert Brooks' whining gets old really fast, some of the comic touches more than make up for it.  I also think that Meryl could have done a lot better for herself....

The "Judgement Hall of Osiris" gets a new twist in this flick.  With the help of an advocate, the recently-dead individual needs to demonstrate a certain degree of personal growth.  We are told that when we become sufficiently intelligent, we don't have to reincarnate ON EARTH anymore -- we go on to a different place where we'll continue to evolve, then move on to another place and so on.  When we start using more of our brains, we don't WANT to be here any longer.

I think i've been on this planet one life too many.  Accidentally overhearing the "news" programs my husband watches -- that is, the rampant flaunting-of-stupidity of those trying to mold public opinion -- leaves me astonished and nauseated.  I feel surrounded by self-absorbed idiocy.  How CAN people be so illogical?

I'm inclined to blame the carbs.  ;-)

stress, thoughts, and a vestigial headcold

I was stressing to an unusual degree about my upcoming trip to Texas for a living-history event.  All sorts of things that i need to do cropped up at the eleventh hour.  I caught a cold.

And an unusual cold it is.  It feels like a virus wrapped in cotton-wool:  numb brain, low energy, head and body aches, rough throat, and the kind of sinus drainage that does NOT come from allergy ... but all in a vague fashion -- not acute.  Nevertheless, i think that normal cold treatment is in order.  REST.  I'm delaying my trip, then driving straight to Houston before going with my daughter to NOLA for Halloween weekend.

Goes t' show ya!  The lifestyle changes which have protected me from illness (including the flu) for the last few years aren't effective against that endogenous saboteur called STRESS.

And stress is largely self-inflicted.  Unconsciously so in the case of diet and nutrition (in most people), semi-consciously from choices we feel we can't avoid, or fully-consciously-but-resentfully when we know we shouldn't procrastinate/worry/work too hard/stay in a bad situation, etc ... but have a hard time breaking the habit.  The first two are my buggaboos.  I have too many interests, and can't stay on top of all i want or need to do.  A deadline appears, an unexpected task pops up, and voilá -- stress.

I sometimes think that putting a name to it has made it worse.  People "in the old days" had plenty of stress, but approached the situation from a different point of view.  In the western world, the troubles of life were often looked upon as a test of faith sent by "God," ridiculous as it appears to the modern science-based mind.  Individuals were encouraged to bear up courageously with the promise of heaven as their reward, but if they failed their test ... well, then they deserve their bad fate, don't they?  Talk about a rigged system.

But now we try to solve our problems rather than just cope, sometimes with the aid of pharmaceuticals and other little helpers.  We feel like ALL problems have a solution, or should have, and we're not willing to just let go.  We no longer look on life the same way.  We also allow cultural myths to dictate what life OUGHT to be like, and THAT is largely BS.

There are all kinds of recommendations on how to reduce stress, and most of them are great in theory ... if difficult to actually PRACTICE.  If you can sit down and meditate when your brain won't stop enumerating all the things you need to get done ... you're a better man than i, Gunga Din.

*****
There have been some terrific ideas in the blogs recently!  (Of course, i'm speaking of MY BLOG LIST, not other people's! [wink, nudge])  Kindke, Fred, and Sid (on a non-dietary subject) -- great points made!  And just like the political situation here in the US, when some things are SO CLEAR to "us," what the hell is the matter with the thinking processes of those other people???  How CAN people who are stuck in an outworn world-vision become unstuck?

insomnia -- not a bad thing?

I seem to go through phases of sleeping less and sleeping more.  Like the phases of what i feel like eating, and phases of greater/lesser thyroid function, i'm concluding that these things are not pathological unless they go on too long, or go out of reasonable boundaries.

"This morning" i woke up at around 3 (four hours sleep), and when i couldn't doze off again over the next hour, i gave up the attempt.  This follows a night of only about 6 hours.  Tonight, i'll make sure to take some melatonin so it doesn't become a habit.

The body is an amazing self-regulatory system.  When we try to micromanage it, we end up doing things we never intended.  (This is one of the reasons i avoid pharmaceuticals....)  If we try to INSIST that our bodies eat or sleep or give birth or poop or whatever, when our bodies aren't READY to do it, doesn't it make sense that the rebellion might be an ugly thing?  Not to mention the emotional stress that we get from the frustration, when our control-demanding minds completely fail to get the results we think we should.  And the physical stress that we cause when we try....

A little bit of the fatalism and acceptance-of-the-unavoidable of times past may be good for us.  If we don't EXPECT to be able to control every facet of our lives, the stress goes way down.  It helps to have a philosophy that says that things will be okay anyhow -- i suppose that's why people can have some really irrational religious beliefs when times are hard.

It can be easy to let it drive you crazy when you NEED SLEEP and it eludes you.  Just like, when you're doing everything right and the weight just won't come off.  Western culture telling us that we SHOULD be able to have and do ANYTHING WE WANT, if only we want it BADLY ENOUGH, has been a piss-poor influence, in my opinion.  Ironic, that the voice of reason in this regard comes from a pop icon in "you can't always get what you want, ... but you just might find, you get what you need."

I think that giving your body what it needs, and then having a little trust in it to manage itself properly, is wiser than trying to get it to perform the way you want and to schedule, like a synchronized-swimming team.  Especially if your body is ... shall we say, atypical?  There's NO authority which knows it as well as it knows itself.

the exhaustion factor

There's something i notice, reading "the latest" on some days:  the more bad political news there is, the less easy it is to eat rationally.  Or rather, the easier it is to go get a glass of wine and something to nibble with it.  If i choose to ignore the temptation, i continue my day with an increased sense of weariness.

Lesson:  hopelessness is a poison.

Strangely enough, one of the presentations i look forward to hearing from the AHS2 is that of Richard Nikoley.  I disagree with him on a number of issues, but agree on a few.  He's speaking on how our modern sociopolitical situation is out of step with the systems with which our species evolved (my paraphrase).  In this limited concept, i agree heartily; i just wonder if he has any ideas on how to remedy the problem besides the old hippie dropping-out thing.

What DOES one do, when one's world is fubar?  I haven't got a clue.  I haven't got the ambition or the gifts to enter politics and "change things from the inside" [snort:  we all know how well THAT works].  I haven't got the energy and passion to march and chant and carry a placard.  I haven't even got the stubbornness to debate things in writing, though that's more my metier.  I can only marvel at the stupid behavior and (lack of) reasoning in people i could have sworn were smarter than that.

So i block the most obnoxious on FB and resist blocking those who are more of a benefit than liability despite their occasional disconnect from reality, and refuse to follow up on their idiocies.  (I also sometimes satisfy myself with a little fantasy, picturing them in the world they would consider ideal, and their subsequent illumination....)  I do a little chakra balancing and take a deep breath, and try to clear the psychic air around me.

But, DAMN!!!  It's no wonder so many people feel the need to medicate.

a big WHAT IF

Now, i generally don't like to play the "what if" game.  It's usually all about something that DIDN'T happen or COULDN'T happen, and the conversation is usually started by somebody who has a fantastical vision of "wouldn't it be cool if"....  Entre nous, fantasies are rarely attractive to those NOT INVOLVED with the fantasy, and if they ARE widely attractive, they make a lot of money.  Fantasies are all about wish-fulfillment, and if you're not having your wishes fulfilled by somebody else's dream, there's nothing in it for you.

But while reading a blog today about a lady and her thyroid woes, i was struck by something:  she had never had very high TSH levels, but had been practically incapacitated by symptoms generally recognized in hypothyroid people, including low free T3.  BTW, she's also struggling with adrenal issues.

WHAT IF the problem this lady has is not about her thyroid at all -- her symptoms are caused by shortages of ... oh, say, the nutrients in the supplements i've found that help ME?  Her thyroid is doing its job, according to her brain, but suppose her body is converting the available T4 to rT3 to protect her from even more internal stress -- the stress being exacerbated by poor absorption of nutrients?  WHAT IF all she has to do is "get selfish" and remove the impediments to good sleep and peace-of-mind in her life, thus reassuring her body that it doesn't have to hunker down in preparation for a "long winter"?  Would she perhaps not be any more hypothyroid than i am, a borderline case?

Just thinkin'....

progress update conclusion (i think): what WORKS

I'm down another pound this morning, putting me under my "San Francisco starting weight" of three weeks ago.  As i don't have to go anywhere for over a month (knock on wood), i COULD actually make my goal weight before summer ends.  Here's hoping i won't get any surprises in my life to derail me....

A year ago, i was coming to the conclusion that i might have to reconcile myself to being overweight the rest of my life.  I felt i had gotten all the good i could out of low-carbing and paleo/primal eating, and that hormones had finally gotten the better of me; no matter how i reduced intake, it didn't seem to make any difference to my fat load.

This morning, i sat down in my thinking-chair (OKAY, the wing-chair in my bedroom where i like to read and watch movies) KNOWING that what's healthy for me is effective, and vice-versa.  It doesn't take super-human willpower to eat a restricted diet, and i can even have a wild splurge every month or so with no ill effects.  WOW.  This is the definition of empowerment.

I think that the first thing a person like me has to do is BECOME A FAT-BURNER.  If you're not fat/ketone-adapted, your body will fight you every step of the way.  Hunger and cravings will take over your mind.  Now, i was lucky in that i had broken the spell of carbohydrates quite awhile ago (and fully realize how seductively dangerous they are), so my quest was all about learning to control the metabolic flexibility we all need to thrive ... although, i didn't know that when i started.

I've learned that my instinct to wait a considerable time in the morning before eating is the correct one.  Kindke blogged about the morning cortisol peak, which gave me a good reason to indulge myself.  At home by myself, i have supplements and black coffee for breakfast most of the time.  :-)  The funny thing is, i've learned to PREFER my coffee black -- never in a million years would i have predicted that!  If i have a good reason to eat a meal in the morning, it HAS to be a protein-fat one -- i'm a walking example of a carb-laden breakfast inducing appetite later in the day.

Being fat-adapted, i sometimes have to make myself eat a meal in the middle of the day, because (with the load of "food" i carry around under my skin) i constantly have fuel to burn.  But i NEED my protein, so my dinner (my largest meal, whenever it is) is ideally about a half-pound of pastured meat; if it doesn't carry its own lipids along, it gets the addition of butter or real-cream sauce.  Depending upon how "good" i'm behaving, black coffee or 4 ounces of wine is the mandatory side-dish.  Drinking water or other cold beverages with a meal is a BIG mistake for me -- one thing a hypothyroid needs to make sure of is stomach acid!  Coffee and wine unbalance me the least.

Water, i drink at the midpoints between meals.  If i feel like a cocktail in the afternoon, but am inclined to deny myself the carbs, i'll make a pot of tea.  Jasmine or Earl Grey make for the perfect stress-buster, in lieu of a Gimlet!  The important thing is to make it in a pot and pour it in a cup (not a mug), and not work at anything while drinking it.  It makes you slow down.  Speaking of tea -- should i not be in the mood for coffee with food, i find lapsang souchong is about the only tea that isn't overpowered by a meaty meal.

I make sure to have something to eat before it gets too late; i never really like to start a meal after 8.  If i'm allowing myself any carby food at all, this is when it's acceptable.  Supper can be like dinner if i really feel an appetite, or it can be a tin of sardines, glass of raw-milk kefir, home-made gelatin, or even my own ice-cream if i'm not particularly hungry.

Sleep is immensely important to me.  Even though some experts get really hot about the legitimacy of "adrenal fatigue," i've found that treating it like it's real has improved my health considerably.  Stress creates a whole cascade of horrible effects on anyone with a weak thyroid, so by doing my best to pamper my adrenals, i save myself a world of discomfort.  I've installed F-lux on my old not-quite-dead laptop as well as on the one i'm using now, AND my husband's.  I darken my bedroom to the best of my ability, and cover the blue light of my cellphone.  The goal is my ideal of eight to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep, but if i wake during the night, i no longer stress about it; with the knowledge of biphasic sleep i've gained, i just read something soothing for an hour or so.

Sounds so simple....  But like my supplement routine, it took a lot of trial and error and PAYING ATTENTION to my body to come down to it.  It took input from knowledgeable sources of all kinds, many of whom write the blogs on the list on this page.  It took reassurance by Vilhjalmur Stefansson, Dr. Donaldson and Lucas Tafur that i wasn't ruining myself with the "extreme" diet i thrive on.  It took the notions put forth by eccentric doctors whose central points are sound, despite the lengths to which they push them.  Hell, i want to thank the WORLD for the help i've gotten in managing this tricky body of mine!

non-diet complications from my long absence

I had meant to be away from home just ten or eleven days -- turned out to be nineteen.  If i'd known beforehand, i would have done a few things differently.

I left my enzymes at home, because their bottle is friggin' huge.  I figured i wouldn't miss them much, but i did.

My facial scrub stayed behind in the bathroom, too, and it's going to be several days before my skin feels quite right.  Already having a million things to pack, doing without some items which i don't use every day SEEMS to make things easier and more straightforward ... but it also can turn into a handicap in the long run.  I made up for doing without my pumice-stone by getting a professional pedicure -- now, THAT part was a GOOD idea!  ;-)

I took the battery-powered disposable electric toothbrush instead of the "serious" one.  Mistake.  Yesterday i felt like my teeth were REALLY clean for the first time in a month ... especially since i ate a little real sugar, which i almost never do at home.

A lot of the little things we do every day contribute to our happiness and sanity, so when we make-do it can take a toll on well-being.  Would i have been less stressed if i had packed another bag to accommodate the daily-use STUFF i'm enjoying today?  Who knows:  all i'm sure of is, my own bed would never have fit.

bad diet promotes bad diet 2: the chocolate is calling

I think the stress is beginning to taper off.  [sigh of relief]

I am more than ready to normalize my daily activities, and if the gods are merciful i won't be tempted to eat significant quantities of carbs again for a lo-o-o-o-ong time!  It's so surprising how much carb-eating and alcohol-drinking have in common -- they're so enjoyable that it's easy to get started, and once started, one is less motivated to avoid temptation.

The carbs become more and more attractive, too.  Usually when i shop, i view the endless displays of CIAB with absolutely no interest.  Today, i caught the M&Ms singing the sirens' song.  I tied myself to the mast and escaped them, but i find it interesting -- after all, the lure of M&Ms isn't about chocolate as much as it has to do with the sugar.  Fine chocolate one wants to let melt on the tongue, but those little rainbow-tinted seducers invite crunching!

Well, the orgy is over, the last reason to cheat is past.  No more "having" to eat the wrong stuff!  I'll be doing the cooking here till my car is repaired, and then Spense and i will take off for home where it's EASY to be good.  I bought two pounds of grass-fed ground beef today to ease me on my way, and there's a beautiful big pastured chicken in the refrigerator waiting for me to turn it into dinner.  I face the prospect of disciplined eating with joy and relief -- and to think that some people DREAD going on a reducing diet!

good-busy day

Last night, i began to compose a post explaining how i came to be so anti-modern-medicine, but i've decided to put it on the back burner.  At that time, i was feeling a bit cranky; yesterday had turned off uncomfortably warm, somebody across the street (a newcomer) was having a party with loud music, a neighborhood dog wouldn't quit yapping, and there was an almost constant series of sirens within earshot.  I slammed the windows closed and turned on the AC, but the booming of the neighbors' bass was still perceptible.  I blew the StM part of my diet by finishing the (low-carb) coconut ice cream, to help get cooler fast.  GRRRRR....

I almost slept the clock around.  I usually only do that when i'm shaking off a cold virus.

Stress is an ugly thing, even if you don't really notice it AS stress.  Obviously, i was more stressed yesterday than i was aware of (please pardon my grammar -- this is turning into quite a bad habit for me).  First the heat (it got into the 90s here), then a lot of interruptions, then the noise ... and i HATE noise.

All that sleep helped.  My energy today has been above average, and the project i started yesterday (making a new dress for the living-history event coming up next weekend) has been progressing well.  Had a great bacon-and-egg scramble for breakfast and am cooking another ground-chuck patty for dinner as i write.  Good-busy.

Because "busy" comes in different flavors:  stressful-busy, can't-catch-up-to-myself busy, no-way-on-god's-earth-i-can-finish-in-time busy, having-so-much-fun-i-haven't-stopped-to-eat busy, and so on.  Today's busy-ness has been enjoyable, like eustress is.  The seemingly-effortless sense of accomplishment when all goes well just feels good!

"Thank you, sir, may i have another?"  :-)

slippery slopes

Since the time i began eliminating "neolithic" foods from my diet, any try at reintroducing them illustrates to me how bad i feel under their influence, and how addictive my body finds them.  Small servings of certain carbohydrates fuel a strong desire for more (this might be why: http://high-fat-nutrition.blogspot.com/search/label/Fiaf%20%282%29%20starving%20amidst%20plenty).

Yesterday morning, i felt stressed -- bad starting point.  I suspect that the circumstances (workman coming to fix my security system for heaven-knows-how-long, as well as wondering how extensive the damage was going to be) were exacerbated by the damp weather.  Humidity can help to set off allergic issues even worse for people who are inclined to mold sensitivity and candida overgrowth.  Even though my diet is low in the things that encourage candida, i'm VERY sensitive to mold.  Therefore, deciding to have a little hot sake with my lunch was an error in judgement.

One of the things your gut bacteria can do is turn carbohydrates to alcohol and send them racing into your bloodstream.  Four ounces of sake added to the self-produced alcohol created a minor buzz completely out of proportion with the actual amount i drank.  I decided to have a handful of macadamias, too.

Later, i felt a sugar craving -- highly unusual with me.  I retrieved an almost-forgotten stash of SUGAR-FREE jelly beans, and had a couple of tablespoonsful.  It was hard to stop there, but i did.

I ended up at many more carb-grams (and a few more total calories) than are common for me, at the end of the day.  The polyol-induced gas i endured as a fitting "reward" for my indulgence.  This story could be part of a modern Aesop collection, because the moral is so blatant:

Physical and mental stressors incline one to do things that are counter-productive to wellbeing.  THIS is one of the times to dig in your heels, and resist a single step down this road, because there are too many forces working together to sweep your feet completely out from under you, and carry you to entirely undesirable destinations.

on willpower

For decades, we were all told that the only thing we had to do was to eat a small amount of non-fattening foods and exercise like maniacs, and we WOULD be thin.  When we were younger and our metabolisms more robust, it seemed to be true.  With a little determination we could drop a few pounds pretty quickly, though when we stopped paying strict attention to what we were doing, those pounds returned rather fast.

As i approached literal "middle age" (half of the "threescore years and ten"), and weight loss was becoming more difficult, the low-fat paradigm took over and i naturally jumped on the pasta-wagon.  And remember the "Rotation Diet," ladies?  :-)  "Eat to Win," if you participated in any sports?  (I was a fencer in those days.)  One lenten season, i vowed to keep my daily fat intake within 10 grams, and i managed to lose one pound per week, eating all i cared to.  ...Trouble was, i was always unsatisfied on the low-fat regimen no matter how much i ate, and when weight loss stalled, i had no incentive to continue, so i never reached my goal.

Atkins was a blessing, because i was even older and harder to reduce, and on it, hunger no longer was a problem.  Yes, weight loss stalled eventually, but it's easier to be "good" when you're not obsessing over food every waking hour.  I "fell off" when my husband's job had me spending a goodly amount of time in New Orleans, where the food is HEAVENLY, and staying out of the french bread, Handgrenades and Hurricanes is darned difficult.  OMG, how i LOVE NOLA!

Sounds like i've been digressing from my proclaimed topic, but no -- i just have a habit (a bad one, my husband thinks) of having to indulge in a lengthy prologue before i can get to my point. 

What with all my diet "failures" and a lot of other things in my life, at which i haven't been as successful as i should like, i took society's judgement of people like myself and came to believe i had poor willpower.  When the going gets tough ... Tess moves on to something else.  In many respects, it HAS been true, but i've reassessed the subject in the recent past -- more on that later.

In one of J Stanton's articles in his OUTSTANDING series on hunger, he discusses willpower and what happens when you exercise it to limit eating.  Not only is it highly stressful, therefore making one secrete extra cortisol and thereby inhibiting fat-burning, it also puts a drain on our blood glucose levels, and until those are normalized, willpower is lessened because we have less fuel on board to sustain it.  Yes, you got it -- exercising willpower makes you more hungry and lessens your ability to exercise it some more!  In this sense, exercise makes you weaker, not stronger.  Read the article linked above -- it's excellent!  His conclusion is that a successful weight-loss program must minimize the requirement of willpower, and i couldn't agree more, but that's not where i'm going with this....

If you've ever been accused of being stubborn, chances are you have all the willpower you need -- if you really value the goal you've set.  When a cookie derails a person's low-carb or paleo diet attempts, that person doesn't want to be thin and healthy as much as s/he wants pleasure in the short term.  It's natural in human beings and i'm not in any position to cast stones -- i cave in far too often, myself.  But i no longer brand myself with the "lacking in willpower" label.  I know better. 

I engage my stubbornness (aka, WILL) when i want to accomplish something difficult or unpleasant.  I say, "this is MY goal; screw the forces which try to derail or distract me.  Temptation can't get the better of ME!"  Here is where exercising willpower does make you stronger:  you use your stubbornness to want an outcome greatly enough so that you override petty temptations.  When the month of "being perfect" taught me how good i can feel without dairy, sweeteners and alcohol in my diet, it fueled me to want to feel that good some more (as well as continue losing weight and gaining health).  My stubbornness is a match for the difficulties of the path.  Hell, my stubbornnes is a match for just about anything if i get it wrought up enough.

what's working, revisited

I went to bed early last night, and today i feel great!  :-)  Part of the credit for that, i feel, is the half-dozen raw oysters i had last evening as a first course (the rest of the meal was a lobster tail with butter, roasted okra from the "Paleo Comfort Foods" cookbook, sweetener-free raspberry-orange sorbet and coffee -- yum).  We ate comparatively early, which always agrees with me.

I had a few ounces of a good sake with the oysters -- it seemed to call for it!  That, or champagne, or vodka....  Now, i haven't added champagne back into my diet yet, as i had "trouble" with chardonnay.  On Saturday afternoon i had a short bloody-mary made with a bacon-flavored potato vodka, tomato juice and hot sauce, and i felt draggy the rest of the day.  Perhaps even potato-based vodka isn't going to agree with me -- i'll try it again sometime later, in a mixture that doesn't include the nightshades.  Sake, though, continues to be comparatively non-toxic.

My discovered "tricks of the trade" may not work with everybody.  I strongly suspect that if one's middle-aged body resists weight-loss when all of the "neolithic agents of disease" (NADs) are removed, then low-carb is definitely the way to go.  Some people say they've tried it and they felt terrible, but i suspect they weren't eliminating a "sensitive" food that they should have.  HOWEVER:  i'm not in a position to say they're wrong, either!  Not everybody's body functions the same way -- a young, healthy, athletic male body's physiology is entirely different from mine:  female, middle-aged, thyroid-challenged, food-sensitivity-ridden, and moderately overweight.

Having discovered, with the help of the Personal Paleo Code, what the worst offenders are against my health and well-being, i can offer this partial list of what helps me most:

• very low carbohydrate diet;
• intermittent fasting;
• sleep!  7-9 hours of it!
• stress control (i use tincture of licorice when feeling overburdened);
• supplements, which are entirely individual, though the Perfect Health Diet website makes some good recommendations;
• high-fat and protein meal early in the day, and any significant amount of carb i allow myself, saved for dinner;
• avoiding EVERYTHING that actively disagrees with me (all the NADs, and more), no matter how much i like it!
• tabata sprints, not too often, and walking, as Mark Sisson says;
• limiting goitrogens;
• not snacking;
• progesterone creme (again, it's individual -- but it helps the thyroid, balances estrogen-dominance, and is NOT CARCINOGENIC, California!)
• ... uh ... i'm sure there's more ... oh yeah, coffee!  i think i need another cup....  ;-)

silence

There's no one in the house right now, except me and the dog.  No television is on, and the radio in the kitchen is inaudible from here.

Since we live in the city, it's NEVER completely quiet; depending on the time of day there's the very frequent sound of vehicles driving up and down our street.  Often we hear helicopters overhead because there's a major hospital not far away, and police 'copters are not unusual, either.  Dogs bark from time to time.  During the day, this old neighborhood can echo with sounds of hammers and saws, because someone around is ALWAYS rehabbing.  There's the occasional siren, and sometimes the voices of people walking along the sidewalk.  Then, in warmer seasons when the windows are open, we can hear fireworks in the stadium when the Cards have scored a home run.  The sound of gunfire is not out of the question, late at night.

Do you ever sit in a room and just listen to the silence?  I feel like i'm one of the few people to do this regularly!  Often when i'm around others, they return to their homes from work or outings or whatever, and the first thing they do is turn on the television.  They cook and eat with voices constantly in the background; they get ready to leave the house with the news on or music playing; some sort of media player is plugged into their heads as they pad along on their treadmills; they turn on their automobiles, and the radio immediately begins to blat.  Some don't think they can go to sleep without a television's blue light flickering in their bedrooms....

The constant unremitting natter drives me CRAZY.  I have a sneaking suspicion that it strongly contributes to the stress most people suffer from, and they don't even realize it.  UNCEASING auditory input....  The human animal didn't evolve this way -- until the twentieth century it was almost impossible to have this kind of noise pollution (unless one lived in extremely crowded surroundings, with people coming and going at every hour of the day -- not terribly common, i should think).

Try a little experiment, and live a day without piping extraneous AUDIO into your atmosphere.  If the world around you gives you little to hear, try listening to your own thoughts -- hear what they have to say, and pay attention to their message.  You might learn something important.

celebrate

I love the Old Farmer's Almanac; i used to run out and buy it every fall when the new issue went on the news-stands, but in our wonderful* electronic age i can access its information with less trouble and clutter**.  I also get their e-newsletter informing me of upcoming holidays, gardening advice, and recipe suggestions (largely useless for a low-carb "paleoid" like me).

OOOH!  am i responsible for coining a definitive term?  More excitement!  ;-)

The newsletter i received yesterday reminded me that this coming Monday is Chinese New Year; in their words:  "The new year is by far the most important festival of the Chinese lunar calendar. It is celebrated on the second new Moon after the winter solstice. The holiday is a time of renewal, with debts cleared, new clothes bought, shops and homes decorated, and families gathered for a reunion dinner. Chinese New Year is marked by fireworks, traditional lion dances, gift giving, and special foods."

I firmly believe in celebrating holidays, not least holidays which belong to other belief-systems and cultures.  Most people, throughout history and all over the world, tend to celebrate the same basic archetypes, like "light is good" and "starting over gives you a new lease on life."  Christmas, Diwali and Channukah (and, without doubt, countless more) are all "light" holidays.  Rosh Hashanah (with Yom Kippur coming right before) and the Chinese New Year -- well, you can guess....  "Other people's holidays" give you a chance to realize the idea intrinsic to the holiday, without all the emotional baggage associated with your own.

I'll not be trite and talk about the usual New Year stuff -- i'll concentrate on the celebratory aspect. 

Most people need more joy in their lives:  it's the antidote to stress.  What makes you happy?  What do you enjoy DOING?  Did you know that exercising in ways you don't like is stress-producing, and thus less effective than something you like?  Did you know that exerting will-power in dieting is also stressful?

So FIND some joy!  If your old/usual activities are tiresome and no longer exciting, try new things till one "clicks." Maybe you need a challenge.  That's why i chose the new activity i did, because i knew it was outside my native skill-set.  It makes me move (exercise) in a way that i have to THINK about -- therefore, it isn't mindless and boring, and distracts me from the amount of energy i'm exerting.  And my instructor and fellow-students are friendly, supportive, FUN ladies -- the kind of people who don't bring you down.

Monday is the Chinese New Year -- celebrate it!  I'm going to buy myself some new clothes, settle (emotional) debts (to myself), and find some traditional dishes that work with my PPC diet options.  Too bad i'll have to miss the lion dance....

Happy Year of the Water Dragon, everyone!


*i mean this in the truly literal sense: full of wonders!  :-)
**confessing "sins" again -- there are piles of books on most of the horizontal surfaces of my house.

half a day off

No, i didn't take a day off from the Personal Paleo Code -- that would have meant that i wasted almost a whole week!  :-)  I'm still being good....

But i did have to take some time off from my usual pursuits because my neighborhood had a power outage and -- gasp -- i had no internet, no movies, and limited battery power.  At 7:30 last night things suddenly went dark, and although they expected electrical service to be resumed at about 10, it wasn't.  Not till midday, today.

The really peculiar thing to happen, though, was that i suddenly wanted to SNACK!  Now, i'm not a snacker anymore.  When i was doing Atkins (converted from the SAD), i reveled in the opportunity to eat nuts and cheese, deviled eggs, that sort of thing -- what luxury!  I occasionally used the Advantage bars, but mostly when i was in a hurry or on the highway.  Then, a couple of years ago i discovered the paleo world, and hey, that was great, too.  All i had to do was dump a very few "evil" things i was eating which had been okay on run-of-the-mill low-carb.  I developed recipes for "cleaner" snack bars, played with nut flours, fine-tuned my supplement-taking: that sort of thing.  Eventually, however, nutrition caught up with me (especially after reading "The Perfect Health Diet"), and i no longer wanted to eat between meals.  In fact, all of the information i'd read on intermittent fasting encouraged me to dump breakfast or supper (whichever meal i just wasn't hungry for).  WOW.  Freedom.  It's easy to see why i didn't NEED to eat:  once one starts burning fat as one's principle fuel (and not lacking micronutrients), the body's energy desires are easily met by what's in storage.

Then came last night....  WHY, with my belly still busy with the duck breast and sour cherries (modified from the wonderful "Nourishing Traditions" cookbook), was i tempted?  I didn't succumb, but it puzzled me.

Speculation is all i have, here.  Even though i was minimally inconvenienced, was it a stress reaction?  In the past, insane traffic has been known to make me crave carbs or alcohol.  But it doesn't make a lot of sense that i'd be stressed simply because i was obliged to light the oil lamp that was already at my elbow, and swap the computer chat with my out-of-town husband for an actual BOOK.  I'm a reenactor, for heaven's sake -- i can do ANYTHING non-electrically, and i have the tools for it, too.  I wasn't afraid the stuff in the fridge would rot, i wasn't missing a television program, i didn't fear the zombie apocalypse, nothing.

Maybe it was conditioning.  Evening, candlelight....  Before i started the PPC, i would have had a glass of wine or a cocktail at hand, and all the cheese and nuts (and even some home-made salmon pinwheels) downstairs in the kitchen are very enticing. 

I don't know.  Anyway, i just downed the rest of my glass of water containing a generous lime wedge, refilled it, told myself that i was being silly, and went back to my reading.

But i'm still puzzled.  Suggestions?