Thursday, February 5, 2015

what do you say?

One of my facebook friends whom i've never actually met is the caretaker of a wife with Alzheimer's dementia.  I can see that being part of an online family gives him an opportunity to express his sense of isolation, frustration, sorrow, shame (because he's using food stamps and hates it) ... and many more feelings than i can describe.  He has pointed out that well-meaning people have written to him suggesting all sorts of theoretically-helpful treatments (like coconut oil), and that such suggestions can be very provoking (because a lot of people won't lay off after a "thanks but no thanks" message).

But how can one respond appropriately, besides saying "i'm so sorry, and wish you the best"?

Dementia is a sad and horrible malady.  But it's a modern-world problem, and the direct result of the bad dietary advice of the last 30 years.  Dr. Wm. Wong wrote once that when he was in medical school they told him, "here's a disease you need to know about, but chances are you'll never see a case because it's so rare."  RARE....  Today we're seeing an epidemic of it, and not in the extremely old as it used to be.

Pancreatic cancers are rife, too!  One of my dearest friends died of it in '13, and another friend (whom i'll coincidentally be visiting tomorrow) is fighting it as we speak.  Yet another is dealing with a rare form of liver cancer.  What should we SAY?

"I'm so sorry, and wish you the best!"

I HAVE to believe in karma, and that McGovern and Keys will roast in hell for all eternity for their ego-driven campaigns to get us all to eat the way they wanted us to.  :-P  How many people suffered and died needlessly because of them, and because of the USDA's drive to make lots of money for their buddies in Big Ag?

My friend who died in '13 KNEW he should cut back on the sugar because of the eye problems he was experiencing.  I restrained myself, but about three times in total i mentioned that some of his issues were glucose-related, and once he replied (to my very last comment), "i have to eat what i like to eat."

Is that what's most important to YOU?  Is "eating what you like" more important than debilitating pain and an early death?  Leaving your loved ones bereft?  Never seeing your grandchildren grow up?  Is it more important to have that bread/pasta/doughnut/candy bar than to spend another 20 years with your nearest and dearest, doing things you love to do?

What should i say to my friend tomorrow, besides expressing my affection and admiration, and regret that he's going through all this turmoil and discomfort?  Last weekend at our living-history event, some of his precious possessions were sold to help raise money to deal with his medical bills.  His horses and tack, his guitars, his reenacting equipment, his CLOTHING....

When i'm thinking to myself how avoidable their suffering has been, i'll be restraining my desire to tell my friends that a change in their dietary habits COULD help them fight their modern illnesses.  ...It's hard.

23 comments:

  1. Tess, I couldn't have said it as well as you have. My friends are also dying or are dead already because they couldn't be bothered to investigate and research their conditions. I'm not a very smart or educated person, but when I had my stroke at age 46 I wanted answers and when I got none I started a long journey researching health and stumbled upon diet and ran with it. I have in the process converted my brother and sister and my brother has kept his cancer at bay for years by following a strict all-meat diet. I can't for the life of me understand people who just accept everything without questioning anything.

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    1. twentieth-century people had it drilled into them that doctors are demigods, and that specialists were on top of their specialties.... :-( television has a lot to answer for, in how it brainwashed generations of patients! yep, Dr. Kildare, Marcus Welby ... even House (gasp) is FICTION!

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  2. However, you can't say anything to your friends because they get defensive or mad at you or think you are a conspiracy theorist. I've tried and I just get shut down abruptly.

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    1. :-) some listen, and some don't! it's the T2D patients in my acquaintance who cause me to exercise the most restraint -- when D ordered the biscuits and gravy at breakfast once.... [must not comment, must not comment, must not comment....]

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  3. It is very hard. Luckily I haven't had much experience with it, however my Uncle was recently diagnosed with dementia. Not being all that close to him or my Aunty, I indirectly (through my Mum) suggested that perhaps they might want to look into ketogenic nutrition - and left it at that. I agree with horfilmania - anything more would simply sound like a raving loon.

    Cheers.

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    1. yes, I agree too! I sure hope your uncle is amenable, though, for the sake of his family!

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  4. Oh yes it is hard...especially when you have proof. But, I have now reconciled myself to not offering any advice. They ask me why my skin is so nice and how do i ever have enough energy to do ALL that I do? If I say...no sugar no carbs no gluten...well...It is too late for a lot of people. Once rare diseases are now abundant. Just like all the carbs in the store.

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    1. Yes, nothing annoys people more that the answer that you have a great skin not because of some advanced laser peal but due to not eating such normal food staples as bread, sweets and starchy sides. It may be perceived as an accusation .

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    2. :-) I guess we can just say "it's because of my diet," and only go into details if they follow up the hint!

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  5. When it is too late, it is better to say nothing about a diet, except offering to call anytime when a help is needed.
    My grandfather died from a liver cancer at 72 at 1993. He had the best medical service a person in a former Soviet Union could have due to his high hierarchy in a ruling then party. I remember since a childhood grandpa taking multiple brightly colored pills several times a day, while for normal citizens pharm remedies from Switzerland, US and Japan was not available. I know his case was just N=1, but he was the only person we knew who had such form of a cancer, and he happened to be the most exposed to a Western medicine. Grandfather was never fat despite having a sweet tooth. My plump grandma lived on the same diet till 95,but last 6 years lived with an Alzheimer.

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    1. living 10 hours away from where i do, i'm afraid i couldn't be of very much use to them, save being encouraging. ...but the GOOD NEWS is that i found G very thin but looking remarkably good! they are very hopeful about his prognosis! :-) he and his wife are "whole food healthy-eaters" for the most part, though of course not low-carbers. they have kicked the bread habit but use potatoes. now, while they're anxious for him to gain weight, they don't limit things like ice cream or cookies. i think i'll make a batch of something calorie-dense but sweetened with stevia and sent it to them in thanks for their hospitality!

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  6. I think you are saying the right thing. It is hard though. I've read Grain Brain and it was hard to read because there is someone I love very much who has type 2 diabetes and doesn't want to go hard core on it with diet (as I would if I had it, I believe). "Managing it" according to ADA mainstream advice leaves people still with unhealthy BG levels.

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    1. it's so frustrating to see a loved-one follow their doctor's ADA recommendations! :-( best wishes to you both!

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  7. I had a friend pass from pancreatic cancer in April of last year. Diabetic for the last 25 years of her life. I was still very early in my change of eating then - I didn't realize then how much of our ills are truly optional, through diet.
    Knowing what I know (or believe) now... I think you are obligated to say something. Gently. Compassionately. Non-judgmentally. In a way that invites them to consider this treatment option. They may never have heard of it before. They may be sure that, if it worked, their doctor would surly have suggested it! You may be their only shot at this remedy. So, you're obligated.
    And then, you leave it alone, and just be there for them as much as you can.
    Good luck. It's a tough road, for all concerned.

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    1. thank you! your suggestions are very wise, i believe! along with the low-carb, calorie-dense goodies i'll send them, i think maybe i'll choose a book to send too....

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  8. Hi Tess, long time blurker – we’ve likely crossed paths on the drive from StL to Houston; I’m living here and my family is in the Spring area. . . In any case, THIS is the reason I’ve starting blogging again; maybe a blog post can be a source for someone already searching for answers. Most people I run across in daily life just don’t seem interested, or they’re not willing to put down the cool-aid. Of course, the people I meet now days see someone who ‘looks’ healthy – they missed the transformation from a woman who walked/hobbled like a 95 year old lady and was closing in on 200 lbs. . . At most, I typically direct someone to Terry Wahls original TEDx talk – as an MD she is automatically given some legitimacy *rolls eyes* and her story is inspirational to people struggling with severe health issues; maybe the short video will light a spark and start the journey. Otherwise, I’ve learned to save my breath under the heading ‘you can lead a horse to water’. . . It’s painful to watch people struggle, but what we’re all doing is still the road less traveled to the mainstream. While we see our diet and modern disease relationship as self-evident and common sense, I have to remind myself that most of the people around me see it as voodoo – it’s not what they’re hearing from their MD or nutritionist or from MyPlate, etc. It IS hard – I hope your visit goes well and know that by putting ‘pen to paper’ on your blog, you’re bringing ‘the message’ to people you’ll never even know about. . .

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    1. hi, Jennifer; i'm glad you decided to speak up! :-) how interesting about our parallel travels!

      i have hopes that a little suggested-reading might put G and S into "our camp" -- they already believe in what a lot of US consider healthy eating. they raise Highland Cattle and chickens -- plenty of good quality protein, and they're enthusiasts of home-cooking.... now that G has announced himself retired he'll have time for reading.

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  9. What we eat does have such an affect on our bodies and health, and for many of us we do not realise this until later in life. We can offer support, we can offer advice, we can be a good friend. it is true it can be ignored - it may not be wanted.

    We each know our friends, we each know our relatives how we help them can only be a personal decision.

    All the best Jan

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    1. so right, Jan! :-) i think my friends' "soil" might be ripe for the seeds i can offer, though -- keeping my fingers crossed!

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  10. I've thought about it a lot, and I don't know what to say even having been through it recently with my father. Probably the best thing you could *do* is offer to spell them. Caring for someone with dementia is a 24/7 job. Even doing something normal like walking down the sidewalk is refreshing for someone in that position.

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    1. i'm sure you're right! poor S has been so worried about G, her stress has been pretty acute, but part of the time she's able to work from home, and her employer has been very supportive. :-) i managed to perform one little service for her while i was there -- gave her a shoulder massage that she seemed to find soothing.

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  11. I'm trying to set the good example most of all for MY folks (maybe too late for my dad, but I think my mom has several good yrs left) - but I still can't pry 'em away from the breakfast cereals, bread & crackers... Seems just TOO ingrained at this point!

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    1. ooh, "ingrained"! what a great book-name! :-D

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